Self Reflection

How have I changed? It’s the ultimate study abroad question, for in the end, it’s not really about the pictures, the places visited, or the souvenirs─ it’s about how I’ve grown, learned, and self-discovered. During the struggles and adventures, it’s hard to recognize that, but looking back now, I can see I’m coming home a different person. Through my four months in Italy, I have developed strength in adversity, an appreciation of the diversity our world has to offer, and emotional independence.

While traveling abroad, nothing goes as planned. Well, okay, that’s an exaggeration, but at times that’s exactly how it feels! In Italy, when problems arise, there is no calling home. There is no playing innocent. There is no sitting down in the middle of the street to cry and give up! I found this especially apparent while traveling on weekend trips. Missed trains, unknown bus routes, poor directions, money problems: they all have to be dealt with, and no one is going to come rescue you. Instead of panicking, I’ve learned to rationally weigh my options, to seek out hidden solutions, and most of all, to ask questions. It may not always be the most convenient, efficient, or economical solution, but accepting the ‘bumps’ and maintaining a view of the bigger picture is a learned skill that has become essential. Distressing over an extra 40 Euros spent, a tour missed, or an added half day of waiting will get you nowhere but miserable.

My travels have broadened my understanding of the world and its diversity. I know it’s a bit clique, but it’s true: this experience has opened my eyes to appreciate the beauty in nature, in architecture, in culture, and in people that surrounds me. I have seen an unbelievable number of beautiful monuments, famous art works, and monumental structures, yet each one continually awes me, one after the next. Visiting large cities has shown me architecture that I hadn’t thought to imagine, meeting helpful people has renewed a belief in humanity, and best of all, seeing the beauties of nature has reminded me to appreciate what lies at my own back door. Some of my most enjoyable experiences abroad have been things that I never take the time to enjoy in the states: a bike ride through the hilly countryside, the frost on the fields in the winter mornings, a sunny walk through the park, lingering over a long dinner with friends, wine, and good conversation, or the satisfaction and creativity enjoyed in preparing a delicious meal. You don’t have to travel to discover the wonders of the world, but sometimes that’s what it takes to open your eyes to them.

Perhaps the most impacting experience and the most difficult to put to words has been my emotional journey to self reliance. I’ve always known myself to be an openly emotional person. I lean on the strength of those around me when I am down and share my optimism when I am happy. Through personal struggles, I’ve come to realize that positive social interaction (with friends, with family, with a friendly stranger) is what keeps me excited about daily life and maintains a level of comfort by making me feel connected to others. In the past, if I saw something humorous I’d immediately text a friend to share the laugh; if I experienced something dramatic, I’d make a call; if I was excited, I’d tell those around me about it; if I was disappointed, I’d look to a close friend to cheer me up. In short, I always shared my emotions with others. However, through my Italian experience, I’ve learned how to enjoy, to grieve, to be frustrated, or to be excited on my own. It seems basic, but it took an inability to contact others and a new surrounding to force me to realize that I can rely on myself. It’s an empowering feeling to discover a sense of self reliance. I know I haven’t changed who I am; I will return home and appreciate the times I spend interacting with other people and building intimate relationships. However, I hold a self assurance that if left on my own, I won’t crumble. Better yet, I’ll be able to share a laugh, a heartache, or a satisfaction with myself and it will be enough.